Birthday and Various Thoughts….

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged,I believe my last post was back in March. I need to give this blog more attention as I’ve slacked off a bit. Well today I celebrated my birthday, 47 years old if you were wondering, and it was a pretty good day celebrating with my mom, dad, and brother. At this stage I’m not really into the hoopla which some people enjoy, I’ve never have been that type of person. Spending the day with family is just fine with me. I have to confess that I was some what depressed.Living with spina bifida will do that to you. This whole day had me thinking, I’m 47 years old, I’m not married, no girlfriend, and no children, it’s very discouraging. When I was in my twenties I thought I would be married and have children, I guess that wasn’t part of the plan. It has donned on me that since my health has deteriorated, I’ll probably never get married or have a girlfriend for that matter. Being disabled with spina bifida, walking with a cane, and the various other health issues which goes along with it doesn’t really impress the women, if you know what I mean. I guess I’m going to have to deal with being alone, which sucks. Part of me is extremely envious of men my age who have a family and children, I don’t know. Maybe this is part of the plan, maybe I was to never have children, get married… So basically, I had a fun, though somewhat depressing day, with a delicious Italian rum cake for a birthday cake…
Last month was father’s day, and I’m grateful that I get to spend the day with my dad, which was nice, we had a nice little cookout. Though the downside of father’s day is I get pretty down, actually I was pretty down for several days. I cannot help to wonder why there are people who have children that honestly shouldn’t have children. I see it on the new, in the newspaper, and online. The abuse, neglect, or even kill their children, all the while there are people out there who are dying to have children but are unable to, it’s honestly very tragic and heartbreaking. I here when people say well it’s part of “GODS” plan, honestly I don’t believe in a God, and by the way when it comes to plans his plans suck sometimes. I try to look on the bright side of things, however, lately things haven’t been very bright. The search for happiness has been very elusive for me for several years, something has got to give….

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