What If…

What if… That is what I’ve been asking myself most of the day today. The thought of “What If” enters my mind on occasion, however, something usually happens for me to start thinking about it. This being Columbus Day Weekend, I decided to go for a ride and do some errands. If you were wondering, yes, I do drive. I know some people with spina bifida are unable to drive a car, but I’ve driven since I was 16 years old, and I consider myself fortunate as it gives me independence in my life. On the way home I stopped at a local farm stand that also serves ice cream. After I ordered my frozen yogurt in a cup,a scoop sugar free moose tracks and a scoop of sugar free Kahlua fudge. I went to my car to eat it. It was a pretty nice day out for October, cloudy but a bit on the warm side, I had both of the side windows down in the front, and I was enjoying the weather. As I’m sitting in my car eating my frozen yogurt, I was gazing out the window looking at everyone enjoying themselves. The one thing that really got my attention were all of the families that were enjoying themselves, the parents with their children and that’s when I started to wonder. What If? What if I wasn’t born with spina bifida? Would my life be drastically different? Would I be married? Would I have children? In all honesty I think my life would be different. Would it be for the better, I can only wonder. If it was different, I can picture myself with my wife and to kids going to the ice cream stand and enjoying ourselves. I can picture my self carrying one of my kids in my arms to go to the window to place our order, I can picture all of that. Doing the things that a dad does. Sadly for me, that’s never going to happen for various reasons. I have to admit, as I was watching families enjoying The Columbus Day Weekend, I was pretty jealous.And I am not the type who usually gets jealous.I’m sure we all have the “What If” moment. Personally, I try not to think about it to often because it just gets me down and depressed, and that isn’t a good place for me. I’m sure it will pop up a few more times, especially since the holidays will be soon upon us.Today, I’m going to give myself time to ponder and reflect on what might have been, even though I probably shouldn’t. What If……

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