Will I ever be wanted and loved!

Loneliness is something I’ve become very accustomed and used to over the years. This is not by my choice, it’s just I’ve accepted the fact women don’t want to get involved with a guy who’s broken and damaged. I’ve more or less have accepted the fact that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life, and that makes me very sad. The sadness I feel at times is unbearable, it would be nice to find a woman to share my life with, because I really don’t want to grow old alone . I can’t help but wonder how my life would be if I wasn’t born with spina bifida, would I be married with children? In one of my recurring dreams, I am married to a beautiful woman, who accepts me with all of with all that comes with my disability, we have two children, a boy and a girl. Honestly, as far as dreams go, it’s a very pleasant dream, a dream I wish would come true. Unfortunately, the reality is, I feel women consider guys with a birth defect to be losers, and no, I don’t consider myself to be a loser, but I do consider myself damaged goods. I know that’s not a good way to describe myself, but that’s how I feel others consider me, as the damaged and broken guy.

At 43 years old, I’ve more or less have given up on getting married. Women want a guy who’s going to take care of them, they’re not going after the guy who needs taken care of, they don’t want to be a nurse . They want a guy who’s physically fit and financially secure, well I definitely don’t fall into that category. I have a handicapped license plate and I am on social security disability, not exactly what you would call a great catch. I’m envious of my friends who are married and who have children, and the happiness they have. I love hearing stories about their children, and their families. All I really want is to be wanted and loved. The deck seems to be stacked against me and the hand which I was dealt in life to me doesn’t bode well for me in the love department. That recurring dream I described earlier has been absent as of late, maybe that’s a good thing. A dream can make me feel so happy when I’m sleeping, brings me a great deal of sadness when I wake up. Waking up alone is somewhat depressing, going to bed alone at night is lonely, such a large bed and no woman to share my life with. Maybe I am one of those individuals who finds love later on in life, that’s what I’m hoping for. I just wish women would look past my disability because I am more that just a disabled guy with spina bifida. When I wake up from the recurring dream I have occasionally, I lie in bed with tears streaming down my face wondering will I ever be wanted and loved……

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